Are you one of those persons that get stressed about remembering last’s year 14th of February gift failure? Or do you just ignore this type of dates as you do with birthdays because you don’t like buying gifts? Have you been taking note about things that your partner like along the year and even do your gifts yourself or do you tend to simply go one afternoon and buy the shirt or pyjamas you find appropriate?
San Valentine is around the corner, everything starts to turn pink, and whether you like/celebrate it or not, love is in the air! How to make this day and our entire relationship a true happy ongoing experience?
Well, Love is always THE answer…Indeed, whether we recognize it openly or not, or are conscious about it, we are all seeking recognition at home, at work, in our friend’s circles….everywhere. Recognition is what moves the world. And there are so many ways of showing love to others.
But love requires effort: Love often requires learning a language you have never spoken.
As Gary Chapman in his highly recommendable book “the 5 Love Languages” states: “Love is not simply a feeling. It is a way of thinking, a way of behaving”. And what you give is often what you crave.
Out of the five fundamental languages, each of us has a primary love language. It is the one that speaks most deeply to us emotionally. And if you don’t speak the primary language of love of your partner, he/she might feel out of love and vice versa.
- Words of affirmation is about expressing sincere gratitude for some acts of service rendered, using compliments, expressions of appreciation, like “you are the best husband in the world”. So, how freely do you express words of affirmation yourself? How much did you receive from your parents?
- Gifts . This is one of the fundamental universal and actually easiest love language to learn! Bringing flowers, leaving notes or buying tokens of affection. It does not work if it is an effort to cover past failures!
- Acts of service. Doing something for your partner you know he or she would like you to do, like washing dishes, walking the dog or changing diaper. Let’s not confuse service and slavery: if it is done out of fear, guilt or resentment, it is closer to slavery. Action speaks louder than words.
- Quality time. Giving your partner your undivided attention by turning off tv, sharing a meal or taking a walk together are quality time and it is all very much linked to active listening.
- Physical touch. Holding hands, putting your arm around your partner, or tussling your partner’s hair.
Which one is yours? Which one is the one of your partner? If it is not clear, you can always buy the book and read it together!