« How well did we live before! » If you think so and dare to say it, do not feel guilty! It is quite a normal feeling, usually linked to our tiredness but also the impression of having lost part of our happiness (as a couple especially).
According to a study led among 2016 german couples, the first year of a kid can really damage your morale “worse than a divorce or redundancy…” explains the Washington Post. Mikko Myrskyla et Rachel Margolis asked them one question:« Are you satisfied with your life? » with a scale from 0 to 10 and discovered that with the first child, the score went down 1,6 in average. For those whose score most decrease, the trend for not having a second child was quite high and most of them were in their thirties and with higher education.
This study intended to understand the gap in developed countries between the number of kids wished and the real number of births. This study needs to be therefore reframed within the specificities of Germany where women face a specially high social pressure with maternity often aligned with pushing aside your career.
Having said that, it is interesting to analyze the possible reasons behind such answers. What can they be?
- Projection and overall handling of expectations: there is a real gap between the reaction we believe we will have and the way we really act as parents.
- The drastic loss in freedom it implies (at least in the first months).
- The level of stress achieved in particular during the first months mainly due to lack of sleep.
- High education do open up parents to other things
- A self centered society
- Elder parents who are more tired and have taken the habit of a life rhythm that makes it more difficult to adapt to the kid’s venue
- Low support to families: limited kids supports structures, school holidays and schedule not supportive of working schedules.
- The phenomenon of the Child King which applies a huge pressure on this moment of life and the feeling of never doing enough whilst focusing all our energy on our little ones.
Who of you identifies with what is said, or said differently, dare to identify with those figures?…