70% of women, which means, 7 out of 10, suffer the syndrome of impostor. If this is your case, read forward because this article can be of interest.
Are you modest? When you are successful in something, do you usually say it was not only thanks to you but really the others who made it possible or that you were just lucky?
Have you ever felt scared about not only looking incompetent but really being incompetent or fraudulent in one of the activities you do?
It can be you are suffering the Impostor syndrome as introduced by Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in the 80s. Some people refer to it as a psychological pathology and others say it is only a matter of self-confidence. This psychological phenomenon describes people who are unable to internalize their accomplishments. Despite external evidence of their competence, those with the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved.
One thing is real: we have all had at some point the feeling of not being worth it. Even though, until not such long time ago, it seems to be affecting only women, it turns out that it is also something that men can go through. So, we are all concerned.
Where does it come from?
As always when talking about stressful situations, it all comes from the perceptions we have. So, bearing this in mind, here are some key ideas to fight this syndrome if you suffer it:
1. Analyze and understand your fears, beliefs and values. What is the impact of your education on your vision of being competent? What did they reward as an attitude at home? How much of a perfect person do you try to be? What examples did you have at home or around you? Does it ring a bell? “Only speak when you are 100% sure!”” Don’t brag on your successes!” all this can represent a strong blocking thought for you!
2. Stop saying sorry before you start talking – apparently it is something quite typical about women or even to draw the attention of others on things they can’t do well. Learn to control your words and practice silence!
3. Sell yourself – be assertive! What you have done, you did it yourself! Look at how some of your male colleagues know how to put themselves in front of the scene…Learn how to say what you did and associate benefits to your work!
4. Take a risk – making mistakes is the path to success! The difference lies in how you handle it and how you sell it to others.
5. Stop looking for recognition or acceptation from others! Women tend to be educated for compassion and in order to avoid pain in others, it looks like we have to please everyone. Bill Cosby said the following: “I don’t know what is the key to success but I know the key to failure is trying to please everyone!” – Think about what is really important for you!
6. Work on loving yourself – acknowledge and cherish your strengths because those are your fuel to keep going.
7. What does success mean for you? Sometimes, having a negative visión of success (blocking thoughts such as if I accept more responsabilites, I won’t be able to see my family) can increase the risk of suffering this síndrome because it seems like we need to justify success.
8. Admit that perfection has never and will never exist. As soon as we accept that we can’t control everything and that it does not all depend on us, we can step back and let go. It is therefore much more acceptable to fail.
9. Dare to say no without feeling guilty!
10. Ask, ask and ask: only bright people ask not silly ones. If you don’t know, ask, you will show your interest and learn at the same time!
Wishing you all the best! I.
Todo lo que nos bloquea, supone menos libertad. Abro oficialmente una nueva serie de articulos titulada: Mi vida libre de sindromes!