What motivates you? How to understand what motivates someone?
First we need to understand that it is impossible to motivate anyone. This statement changes quite a bit the way we look at motivation in others, in our children and even ours.
Second statement: we feed our motivation, but we also feed our demotivation,
Third conclusion: we need to train our own motivation from inside. And the way we speak has a strong influence on our state of mind… Whatever our age. And for kids it applies even more.
A child or an adult that underestimates himself or tells he cannot do something, he will increase the possibility to give up. Negative sentences are blocking. It is a typical example of the power of words..
It is not clear. Well that is normal, that is why here comes an example.
The scenery: a little boy tries to tie up your shoes. He turns pissed off towards his mother and tells her:
Kid: “Mum, I can’t do it, I am silly!”
Mother: ” Come on, how can you say it another way? Do you remember the way we should say things that we struggle to do?”
Kid: “”I don’t know how to do it”…
Mum: “It is true, right now you are struggling to do it and it is better to say: I don’t manage to do it for the moment. It is just a question of time, you have done it many times before, do you remember?
So if we swap “not” for “not yet” or “I don’t know how to do it” y “I am still not managing it”, everything changes. Again the field of possible opens up, and success is just a question of time. This way, we are indicating to our brain that it is possible. This is positive anchor.
This achieved experience is getting stored in our memory as an equation for success and it will be easy to reproduce. Well done! You have done it! You replaced “no” by “not yet”…you found the solution to your problem…you have had a winning attitude, you have self motivated!