How to be fulfilled in our relationship? I already touched based this topic in The Man Behind the Woman where I mentioned the importance of negotiation within our relationships.
Looking at this map about average divorce rates in the world Map Divorce rates world, I think it is urgent we do something about this. Who does not dream of a long lasting fulfilling happy couple relationship?
My vision (and I am not alone…) is that we can improve things dramatically by looking at our couple from a different perspective.
What if we looked at our couple as a company, a real business? Yes, I know it is not sexy. Yes I know it is impossible to plan feelings and love.But let’s face it, once we have been together for a while, have had kids (or not), the passion can fade away and most of ruptures are linked to separated evolution of the partners.
Imagine your partner and you have founded a company, a business called Family X. You have decided to start working/living together because you met on some key values and objectives. Life is change and what about long lasting business? What should we do to keep it going even improve it? Here are 5 strategic tips!
1. Take care of details
Ok, you have got the man/girl of your dreams. Now how to you keep him/her? It is important to sell ourselves, to remind the other about our added values, to watch our words, non verbal communication and of course how we look as well. “Familiarity breeds contempt” …and even more at home!
Words of recognition are also key as part of details. How often to you tell your partner about how grateful or proud you are of him/her?
Companies that make a difference have details with their customers. The same for partnering!
2. Me and Us
A company will continue growing if each partner is gaining benefits. Put yourself first, meaning work on your own fulfillment rather than expecting it to come from your couple! The cliché position is that good marriages are all about We but new research shows that successful relationships have a lot of Me in them. Psychologists Arthur Aron and Gary Lewandowski studied how individuals use their relationships to better themselves. They learn new things from their partners, meet new people, and try new experiences.
3. Establish common objectives, priorities and do follow up
How come you are the champion of planning at work and you don’t invest any time planning your couple life? What is your priority? Once your couple is your main business, then things can turn around. You will need to quantify and do follow ups. Having priorities clear enables the couple to go and seek them.
4. Talk, listen and switch off phone/laptops
We all know that scheduling regular one to one time is key. Do we do it? Planning a date night does not look very appealing at first sight but if I tell you that a study from the National Marriage Project in 2012 showed that couples who have weekly time to themselves are 3.5 times more likely to be happy, including sexually happy. What do you tell me? It is also key to forget about our smartphones and really listen to understand what the other wants from life, what makes him/her truly happy. We all change and knowing the other is key to make a business work!
5. Share daily tasks
In business, everything is about negotiation. Well, in couples, it is as well! Negotiate a win-win sharing. It is not normal that one is assuming more. If you were at work, and did not do the job you are paid for, you would have troubles. It is exactly the same at home!!! Of course, it is good to be flexible in order to take into consideration other workloads and do turns.